Athlli

I don't know why or maybe I do (but can't find the right word to describe it), I'm feeling a bit depressed.

I'm supposed to be happy right, I'm going home in 3 days (can you believe it?).

Ok, I might know a few reasons like, there are still errands that needed to be attend and the fact that the time is not going to wait for you to finish all these errands (as the saying goes, time waits for no man or woman) is actually pressuring me.

But there is something else, I feel it but I don't know how to explain it to people so that they would understand me.

I guess it's like the saying life is like a roller coaster. Sometimes you are up, sometimes you are down.

Hey, I guess if we work hard enough, we will be rewarded, right?

Well, in my case it is TRUE!

WHY?
The night before, I was burying myself under the books, because I have an assignment due the next day and to make it worse, I'm working too. So, I really have to double up my effort and burning the midnight oil (Yes, I know I should finished it earlier, but I had been busy and something bad happened so I'm excused :p). So, by hook or by crook, I have to finish by 8 am, because I have be at work by 8.45 am.

Fortunately, I finished it at  8.15 am. (fuuuh~I really thought that I would not make it). Then, as fast as lightning, I prepared for work and off I go.

Then, around 9.45 am, Umai (my dear housemate) mis-called me. At first, I thought that she wanted to ask about the assignment, so I called her back. She replied and said "Rozy, your DBSK stuff is here and the box is really big". When I heard that, I was like "really?"..and screamed and jumping all around. Sarah who was there at the moment, quickly reminded me that we are at work so don't be too loud. But what can I say, I'm really happy beyond words! I was smiling and feeling giddy throughout  the whole day. Nothing. I repeat, NOTHING can ruin my mood.

Just imagine, my first DVD that I've been aiming for. Even though it is the 3rd of the series, but who cares, this time I NEED to have it. If I wait to buy it in Malaysia, it would cost me around RM 500. My mom would kill me(literally), even for thinking about it, let alone buy it. But this time, it is a different case.

I WORK for it, so it means that it is not the allowance money but my OWN money. Thus, I have the right to buy whatever I want right? For the record, I did tell my mom that I am buying this DVD. At first, I could sense her hesitation of giving me 'the green light', but I managed to convinced her by explaining my reasons for buying it. (with fingers crossed all the time). Then, she said OK, as long as I know how to manage my money wisely. I was so happy that, I jumped around my house. This adds to the list of 'WHY I LOVE MY MOM' :)

So anyways, the DVD set that I bought is All About DBSK Season 3 (AADBSK3). There are 6 DVD which has many things inside it such as theme talk, vacation in Saipan (which is really beautiful and funny), MV's(mirotic..;p), couple talk and the list goes on(and on and on)... But I have to FORCE myself not to watch it (to my dismay) until I submit 1 assignment and a portfolio THIS FRIDAY and one EXAM on 2nd NOV.

I'm trying to keep myself together not to fall under this temptation and so far so good. But if things come to worst, I have to give it to Umai for safekeeping (hhehehe).*omo* I forgot to tell that I also received a poster along with the DVD set. ;)

So this is the DVD set;p

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Now playing: On/Off - Futatsu no Kodou to Akai Tsumi
via FoxyTunes    )

I JUST need to get this out of my chest, I just don't know what or who to tell. It's been bothering me soo much.

What did I do to you until you treat me like this..

I had NEVER...not even once talk about something bad about you~

The moment I heard about you talking something bad about me, I cried and cried..

All I could think was, "What did I do? Just, tell me. I WANT to know" and I think I deserve an explanation....

Maybe, because what I did but, YOU started it first and THAT was the FIRST that I ever did that..

For once, would you think about why I acted like that? That maybe, there is a VALID reason for that? Do you?

I thought that you are my friend, my good friend, but I think that's just me...

Now, I don't even know how to face you anymore...

Every time I thought about what YOU SAID, it shatters my heart. Do you know THAT?

Truthfully, every time I see you, I try to find IT in my heart to forgive you, but do you realize that you make the same mistake AGAIN and AGAIN?

People say that strength will come to you when you are down, but the words are yet to come true.I'm still trying to find my strength.


If I walk would you run.
If I stop would you come.
If I say you're the one would you believe me.
If I ask you to stay would you show me the way,
tell me what to say so you don't need me.
The world is catching up to you,
while you're running away to chase your dream.
It's time for us to make a move coz we are asking one another to change,
and maybe I'm not ready.
But I can change.
Would you believe me?      (T_T)

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Now playing: Asher book - "Try" Music Video (Fame Soundtrack 中)l
via FoxyTunes   

Recently, it has been a roller coaster for me.I've been up and I've been so down that I don't think I can even bring myself up. I was soo down that it is messing up all the things around me. After a constant and loong talk, I think that I managed to come up with a solution (I hope that it is a solution).

I am tired of running away..
I am tired of being the only one who considers what the others' are thinking or feeling..
coz you didn't consider mine....
you think you do..but look back..you didn't.....
I am not saying I want to be mean,
I want to be myself ..
I want to be the happy me, where what others do wont hurt me..
I want to do what I want, when I want..
Yes, I do consider others too, but sometimes being me is that..
people would overlook me...
Do they???
I don't know..this is just what I feel...
Sometimes I envy people who know what they want..
because I'm NOT sure myself..


Why do you ask?
Just because....

Owh well,on the bright side..
i really2 like this song
Colors-Melody and Harmony by Jaejung and Yoochun from Tohoshinki..
Below are the translations~

Right now, somewhere, someone
is in pain, all alone
Passing through a sleepless night
Until the light shines on your heart
Let's nestle close together, so that we could sleep
Like a melody and harmony in love

For someone’s sake
we are here
Although we can only achieve small things
Even just for 1 second
We still want to stop all the tears in this world
And turn them all into smiles

Keep loving, and keep walking,
We've been believing that we will be able to convey these overflowing feelings
Even before we were born, we knew that we would meet
And that we would be searching for our dreams together

[RAP]

The moment when we are able to compose the sparkling sound
We will be able to forget all the sorrow
Melody and harmony
You are always by our side
Giving us courage and hope

Thanks to you
Thank you forever
These glittering feelings are your gifts to me
You've taught me how to support each other, to watch over each other
And that I’m not lonely

The love that was piled up
is riding on the melody
I want to convey it to you
Forever and ever

My music is my life
For you, for you, smile
Because our hearts will link together
My life is wonderful
Forever, forever

Starting from here

Keep loving, and keep walking
We have been believing that we will be able to
convey these overflowing feelings

Thanks to you
Thank you forever
These glittering feelings are your gifts to me

The love that was piled up
is riding on the melody
I want to convey it to you
Forever and ever

lalala…

Right now, somewhere, someone is in pain, all alone
Passing through a sleepless night
Until the light shines on your heart
Let's nestle close together, so that we could sleep
Like a melody and harmony in love

This is my first entry after 2 weeks.Last two weeks had been hectic; assignments, sleepovers, trips etc...

Well, on the 28th of August, me and a bunch of my friends, a lecturer and a few juniors, went for whale watching. Yes, we went to watch the biggest mammals in water.It was fun and it leaves me with a great impression of them and a serious headache.

In order to see them, we had to take the boat twice; each lasted for about 2 hours. The first was fun, though it was a bit hot, but when the boat started to move, it was really cold and windy. I borrowed Chocs' hat and I had to practically hold on to it, because if I don't it would get blown away.

We stopped at an island resort which was really breathtaking. It reminds me of the place where DBSK went to for their 'All About DBSK 3'. (huhu.(T_T) I can't remember where..)There are even some places that kinda remind me of the "Picture of You" MV. Seriously!

After an hour of rest, we went on the boat for the second time. This time, we were on the alert, especially when the boat starts to slow down because, that would mean that the whales are nearby. So when the time comes, I was really awed by the whales. There are big and gentle creatures of the sea. What really surprises me is that even though they are big, wow, these animals can move really fast.

We managed to see 4 of them, they  were like performing in front of us: waving, flipping, but we don't get to see them jumping off the water. The highlight of the day was, I managed to see a real life whale up close because, it swims really near the boat and I managed to record it.

However, seeing the whales makes me sad, because, when they wave, to me it feels like its waving us goodbye, that we would not meet again or its is going away for a long time.

A friend of mine, reminds me of the time we visited the Maritime Museum in Auckland. He showed me the harpoon and all the equipment that was used to kill whales. It was cruel and I am totally against commercial whaling!

Well, overall I think that this was a once in a lifetime experience~

I was reading through the many articles posted about DBSK and I came across this article where Jaejoong wrote a letter to all the members. As I was reading through all his letters to the other members, I realized that they are also humans who fell tired and have hardships. Everytime thay perform to their loyal fans, they give their best and hide their hardships. So now, all I can do now is keeping the faith that everything will turn out for the better soon and give them full support. Whatever happens, I hope that my opinion of them would not waver even a bit!

Jaejoong’s letter to members (Mirotic Period)

Jaejoong’s letter to members (Mirotic Period)

Jaejoong say:

To: Yoochun
Yoochun, you don't say much usually but writing this down using these kind of words make me a little embarrassed. I know you have been very tired recently, worried and forcing a smile out - I feel sorry. We are always together and the other members are unable to see your sadness but the hard words have to be said out. If you're tired, tell me, I will help you. I will also listen to all your troubles because I am always by your side. You can tell me anything and everything - the soul of my life. Yoochun, I love you.


To: Junsu
My cute Junsu. Because of you, we are DBSK; Junsu, the sound of DBSK. Kim Junsu, hyung really thinks you're important, do you know? I have never forced you to do anything and you have always treatedd me seriously. Sorry, but I love you, my cute little brother, Junsu. Thank you, and sorry, as comapred to many others, hyung really understand your past, and wants to help you and that is why please continue working hard! I love you, Junsu!


To: Changmin
Our small and cute cat, we haven't been making you do the cooking recently, sorry. Because of you, we have almost become closer, frustrating. However, we totally understand it is due to your fatigue and your lost energy when you occasionally tease us and command us to do stuff. We are all almost crazy.. haha.. always with a good heart and full of innocence, Changmin. You must continue working hard next time. We are always protecting you, if you're tired, you must say it and we will help you. Forever the youngest, I love you.


To: Yunho
Jung yunho, Yunho, Yunho, our leader, Yunho. Are you tired recently? My, Yun, Ho, the reason he became the leader is because he has to tolerate all the hardships. Whenever I see your fatigue body, I think that way. I want to help shoulder some burden but am always unable to.. I know when we received the award, the other members were crying but you were holding it in and only hid in the toilet and cry when we reached home. Therefore, thank you for your letter but what was the content in the letter? "Sleep earlier, if you don't sleep I will kill you.." Yunho, there would not be me if not for you. My other half, Yunho, I love you.


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Now playing: DBSK - Somebody to Love
via FoxyTunes   

Source: [heyjj]
Translations: thesexy-orange@iscreamshinki.net
Shared by: iscreamshinki.net
Taken from: http://dbsker.blogspot.com/

(p.s: these pictures might not be the best pics but that's all that I manage to find at this time )

After three days, I finally have the time to read SOOMPI and to my surprise, I had to back track for more than 30 pages. As I was reading, I finally knew what is happening to them.

I WAS SHOCKED. I can't believe that this is actually happening. All these stuff about disbanning, lawsuits and going different ways are making me restless.

All I can do is hope for the best and the outcome would be good for them and for me. I don't want them to split up, not now and not like this.

So I'm going to put this picture as a sign of my support.





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Now playing: Jessica Mauboy - Burn
via FoxyTunes   

I was reading through the MX newspaper last Wednesday, when I came across this interesting article and I though that I would put it in my journal.

The title was: Just Do It - There's no time like the present to stop procrastinating.

We've all done it.
Returned a friend's phone call two weeks late - guilty.
Deciding to get fit and healthy - starting tomorrow.

According to life coach counsellor and CEA lecturer Jacquie Wise, chances are you're a procrastinator.
"Everybody has one bugbear, one pet hate and there is nothing wrong with putting off something until tomorrow," Wise says.
"But if you are going to put something off, give it a deadline. Make an appointment with yourself to ensure it gets done."

Wise says procrastination can become an art form for some.
"Typically procrastinators are brilliant at making excuses. We blame weather, we blame our partners, we blame our families -  but not ourselves."

So is procrastinating the same as lying?
"In a way, yes. What you are doing is lying to yourself. You are deceiving and deluding yourself as to why things don't happen."

However, people often have quite valid reasons for delaying a task.
"It might be that they have a lack of information -  they want to make a decision but they may  not have done enough research,"she says.
"Or something physical gets in the way, like a machine breaking down.
"Others adopt a 'wait - and - see' policy, for instance putting off buying a house in the hope that the prices will drop.
"Then there are the self - doubters who worry they won't be good enough and finally those who are into 'discomfort dodging' - putting something off because it is not pleasant."

Of the five delaying excuses, the last two are classic signs of procrastination, she says.
"Procrastination is like a disease - it spreads and become part of your life. Once you start delaying on thing it affects something else and pretty soon your whole life can become one big to - do list."
Unfortunately, the more we avoid things, the worst it gets, Wise says.
"If we are not coping with small things in life, it can built up to the point where everything becomes overwhelming, which can lead to health problems such as depression," she says.

But there is hope.
"The trick is to tackle projects one little step at a time,"she says.
"Look around at what is not working in your life and ask yourself why.
"If you do something once and it does not work, why would you make the same mistake again? Do it differently next time.
"Break that bad habit before it starts and it won't become something that you want to put off."

Wise says the key is to be realistic and don't expect too much of yourself.
And once your procrastination is done with, you'll be amazed how much better you'll feel.
"It frees up your time and stops that annoying guilt."

Well, here are the tips given

FIVE STEPS TO SUCCESS

1 - Be organized.
2 - Find an enjoyable way to do an unpleasant work.
3 - Do the task with someone else - make it fun or at least more interesting.
4 - Recognize your avoidance patterns.
5 - Develop an action plan to tackle a task, one step at a time.


Well, I hope I can cure this disease so that I don't have to suffer the consequences of delaying my work.

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Now playing: KAT-TUN - LIPS
via FoxyTunes   

From the title above, I guess you know what am I going to ramble about. Yup, it is about making decisions!

Personally, I am not good in making decisions and I hate making them. People around me would know that and I guess they must have gotten tired of me. Just imagine, if I have to choose between two things or deciding whether to go somewhere or not, I will constantly pester the people around me on which should I CHOOSE.The most popular reply that I would get is "It is up to you". Aaaargh, the problem is I do not know, that is why I tend to ask people. For me it is hard because I do not know which one should I take. I mean, if I see it from one point of view the result would be different and when I thought about again, the result would be different again. There is this expectations that I should consider and other things.I mean how should I know which one should I follow so that in the end I would not regret.

That is why I asked the people around me, and follow them. It seems to be the easiest thing to do. However, it also had it's bad moments. When I choose not to make a decision, it is actually a decision because I choose not to choose. Get me so far?  Sometimes I do regret the decisions that I make, why? I have no idea. Sometimes, this decision making makes me feel trapped, tied that it is hard for me to break free. If I do this, it makes me happy but would other people accept my decision?

This has been going on for a long time and now I had decided that this has gone too far and I need to change. I need to be able to make my own decisions that I would not regret or blame anyone. But, before I do that I had to make things clear for myself like knowing what I want! It is quite hard for me because I tend to consider other peoples' feelings in making a decision. As an example, if I choose this would she be ok with that? What people will think of me? I like to do this but she like the other one, maybe I should do the other one if that makes her happy.In the end, I will suffer silently (not often). Maybe, I should be selfish and consider what I want before others, but "it is easier said than done".
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Now playing: Rihanna - Good Girl Gone Bad
via FoxyTunes   

This would be a very short entry as I am really tired. As I am writing this, my eyes is drooping slowly and my thoughts are blurry.

Today, I had heard the real situation on what is happening with people around me; both friends and family. To make it short, I realized that I had been ignorant with all the signs. How can I miss all those stuff? I mean I called and talk and meet with them. The truth struck me in my mind and heart. I guess what people say is true that THE REALITY HURTS!


1- To a dear friend of mine, I know what you are going through (the feelings), but I just wanna you to know that I will be here for you if you need anything or whenever you needed a company to just sit, be there and listen to you. Just a little reminder, I am not good in giving advices but nevertheless, it is the thought that matters, right? So please, do not feel that you are alone.

2- About my family, I had a very long chat with my Dad and he told me what is really happening at home. Most of the news are good but life is not a bed of roses right? So there are a few problems that occurs once in a while. However, through this I had learnt that everything is changing and I am not a little girl anymore (but in the eyes of my Mummy and Baba dearest I am). I had to know the truth and  sometime it hurts but there is nothing that you can do about that! You just have to face it, suck the pain and act like it does not bother or hurt you. In time you will learn to live with it because if not one day you are going snap!


It does not  matter if you have no one to enjoy good things with because sometimes you need the time to be alone. I am not saying that having no friends at all is good because I personally like to have friends, but what is the use of having friends when they are using you right? A friend of mine told me that  "As you get older, you do not need a lot of friends, just one or two that you know will be there for you no matter what".

Eventhough I do not want to admit it, I guess it is true~

Well, here I am after quite a while. I have been busy on the last week of holidays and I was really tired but, who am I to complain because it was I brought it to myself.

A brief recap of what I did, I went to Sydney with my housemate dearie (Ella) and stayed there for three days. During that time, I went sightseeing around Sydney with my best friends; Intan (who came all the way from Auckland alone), Diana and Farizah (whom we stayed with are both from Sydney). There we also went to Blue Mountain. It was really nice and let me tell you, it is COLD there. I was shocked as I never thought that I would be experiencing that kind of coldness (like New Zealand) in Australia. Besides that we (me & Intan) also did some fangirling activities with Bayah. Well, it was really fun because all three of us like the same Korean band (DBSK) and all of us has our favourite member; (Rozy Changmin, Intan Yoochun and Bayah Jaejoong).Needless to say, we had so much fun! This one of the many pictures of us in Sydney~


Well the next stop is Brisbane, and I did plan a lot of activities to do. We went around the city, went to Movie world, Seaworld and Australian Zoo. Believe me when I say, by the end of each day, we were so tired that the moment we reached home, we would be snuggling up under the comforter and sleep. It was FUN and I really enjoyed it so much. For me, the place where we go does not matter, because what matters most is the company you are with. All the catching up (heart to heart talk) only occurs on the last day (I know it is sad) but that is the truth. When the time comes, it was really sad and the moment she left I feel kinda sad but I know that I always can count on her on anything, but she could'nt physically be there for me. But the good thing is that, we will be seing each other soon, because all of us will be going back to Malaysia at the end of the year..Yeay~One of the pictures that we took during our Brisbane escapade.

In movieworld with Shrek!!

Me n Intan at Australian Zoo..

Well, a picture is worth a thousand words. So, I will let you interpret these pictures.Before I go a little something that we (fangirls) like.
(Xiah,Micky,Hero,Max,U-Know)

Well, GOOD MORNING, people...

Today, after quite a while, I woke up quite early than usual. Truthfully, it's not that I did not wake up early at all, I DID! But it's either for work or I have an errand to do. Today, I manage to wake up early despite working for 6 hours yesterday (phew...tired man).. But anyone who knows me, knows that I am NOT a morning person. But if you are wondering what time did I woke up; it's 8.30 a.m. I know it's not early for some people but it is EARLY in my dictionary. I guess its a good start because I want to wake up early because; one, it is good and it would  took off some burden off my friends (waking me up for class..sorry..;p) and my mom would be happy too.

Since I am up early, i aim to finish cleaning and tidying up my room. Yup, I did NOT finish unpacking my luggage, now in two days, I am off to Sydney. Aish, I really need to start now. IT'S NOW OR NEVER ;P

Owh, before I forget, the reason why I am going to Sydney is because my BEST friend from Auckland is coming. I am so excited that I just can't wait. Yes, some of you might say that I have seen her when I went to New Zealand but this is different. When I went there, I was at her turf but here I just can't wait to show her whats happening at MY place..

Just a picture that I like..


While deciding which picture to be put, it just dawned to me. We don't have many pictures together. I guess it may be because neither of us have camera or handphone equipped with camera at that time.

So, I intend to take LOTS of picture while she is here. Just wait and see =)

P.s: This picture was taken years ago (it's not that long about 2/3 years back).We are at Secret Recipe with our two roomates.




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Now playing: 동방신기 [deNain] - 주문 (MIROTIC)
via FoxyTunes   

U-Know Yunho (the leader)
Max Changmin (the youngest)
Hero Jaejoong (the mother)
Xiah Junsu (the moodmaker)
Micky Yoochun (the mediator)

Hello there, this is  my first entry in this journal and I hope that this would continue and be a reflection on my life. Well this ramblings is mostly about what happen to me, how I truly feel and stuff that I couldn't bring myself to tell others or in other words, this is my "Diary".

Well as I am writing this entry, I am currently listening to sirah by K I.Well, I don't intend to listen but, S wants to and when she mentions my name to K I, I was like..*eeee (being as quiet as possible)..Well, the truth is, I haven't been in contact with her ever since I got back fron New Zealand..heheh..I know I am bad but I don't feel connected to her.

Well thats all for now..Till next time..Buhbye~